Pronoun Guidance

How do I know which pronouns to use?

The best way to learn someone’s pronouns is to ask, a good way to do this is to include your pronouns when introducing yourself and encourage them to do the same. Try:

• “My name is Tou and my pronouns are he/him. What about you?”
• “It’s nice to meet you, what pronouns do you use? I use she/her.”

Don’t single someone out in a group setting. If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns, use either their name or gender inclusive pronouns like they/them until you’re able to ask their pronouns.

How often do pronouns change?

Remember that people may change their pronouns without changing their name, appearance, or gender identity. Try making pronouns a part of introductions or check-ins at meetings or in class. Not everyone may be comfortable sharing their pronouns but normalizing sharing and talking about pronouns fosters a more inclusive environment and creates a space in which pronouns are professional.

What if I make a mistake?

People may have varying reactions to being misgendered depending on several factors. If you harm someone by making a mistake, don’t expect or demand any particular response for your mistake or apology. Most people appreciate a quick apology and correction at the time of the mistake. Don’t profusely apologize as this draws attention to the person and the mistake, instead practice later to ensure you get their pronouns correct in the future. Try:

• “Her books are—I’m sorry, hir books are over there.”

If you only realize the mistake later, a brief apology can help. Try:

• “I’m sorry I used the wrong pronoun earlier. I’ll be more careful next time.”

When should I correct others?

It’s important to remember that some people may use different pronouns depending on their environment. To avoid accidentally outing someone, only correct others if you know they’re aware of the person’s pronouns. Some people may not want a lot of public attention to their pronouns, while others will appreciate you standing up for them. If someone uses the wrong pronoun for a person who isn’t present, try a casual brief correction:

• “Sam uses she/her pronouns. And yes, I’m going to her house later too!”

The only way to learn someone’s pronouns is to practice! Correct pronoun use is an easy step toward showing respect for people of every gender.

What about honorifics?

When using gendered language like honorifics remember that regardless of how they identify, different people may have different preferences. Try asking the person you’ll be referencing in advance how they would like you to refer to them in this context.

Additional Resources:

Visit the Women’s and Gender Center for information on creating an inclusive environment, gender inclusivity efforts on campus, and LGBTQIA+ resources in Burlington and Vermont.
Why We Ask Each Other Our Pronouns
Understanding Neopronouns
Visit Pronouns.page for more on Neo-pronouns, pronunciations, history, and gendered language.